Pans/Pandas, sleep, weight

Up all night…

Seems like it. Actually Chris has quieted down so I hope to go to sleep SOON. I was up late last night with him and then overslept this morning and he missed his bus. Ended up taking him to the dr. – another sinus infection. It goes together – the sleeplessness and the sinus infections. We are so weary – we hope this new thing works – giving him antibiotics for 4 weeks instead of 2.

For some reason at night I’ve been reading about anorexia. I think I stumbled across something surfing Live Journal sites (think that’s where it was?) and then just started reading about it. It’s amazing what the mind can do in a person. I never had anorexia or bulimia but did get to the bingeing state. I always would binge before I started diets, ever since I was like 10 years old. I would pick a date to start dieting and right before it I’d eat huge quantities to “get it out of my system.” I have done this to this day.

In ’99 I joined a diet system called “Weigh Down” and I followed through my pregnancy and nursing as well. It really changed my outlook a lot. It is based on just eating when hungry and stopping before full. However, after that I kind of drifted away from it (as the program developed some spiritual inconsistencies and a lot of churches dropped the plan, and I got disappointed in the whole thing and just didn’t do it anymore). I really got slowly but steadily back into the diet and then binge thing. So Jan. 20 I started following the basic hunger/fullness principles again and am down 4 pounds. It is so liberating – I can eat what I want, as long as I’m hungry, and I stop when I feel satisfied (not full!) and wait for hunger to eat again. And it’s funny, after reading these anorexia/bulimia sites, I can see where a plan like this would be a help to those people too after they have maybe talked to someone about their low self esteem issues.

I think I’m actually going to attempt to go to bed… hopefully!


Edit, Feb. 2020.  As I am rereading this blog and have my Pans/Pandas suspicions for Ryan, I note this about Chris having this sinus infection, and possibly having Pans (he had a psychiatric breakdown shortly after this).  The clues you see years later….



another survey.


Near Charlotte, NC, between the mountains and the sea!!


T-shirt, long hooded sweater, and sweat pants.




The Christmas Attic, TransSiberian Orchestra


With my family, whether we’re home, riding around, or wherever!


The doctor’s office with ALL my kids at once.






Between 5 & 7 (baby is early riser AND I have to be up early to get oldest ready for bus.




People who lie Continue reading “another survey.”

adhd, organizing, writing

thoughts on juggling…

Had another interesting session with my now weekly doc I’m seeing re: My ADD. He’s doing IQ tests with me. The math word problems were very hard for me! He said that I did way above average on them but that it took me excessively longer than normal to perform the calculations. And he said this was very normal for an ADD person. I will continue the testing next time. I also had been told (don’t think I posted this?) that I have a problem in my working memory, that showed upon the IQ tests, that I have a good short term memory except for the part that involves organization and working with what I’ve learned. Thus, the problem I have with organization and multi-tasking. It’s amazing how these tests can show all that!!

So, we talked about the book I wrote in high school, that I want to complete but was flabbergasted that I haven’t worked on since 1996! We talked about all the irons I have had in the fire, and always have had in the fire. My nick in high school (my initials then were D.E.) was Doing Everything, in the class nickname list. They should have added, doing everything but not getting any of them done!!!

So, when I try to juggle all these balls I can’t control them and they come crashing down. That’s what happened, when I lost my job and lost control of my home organization, etc. So now I’m learning to juggle from scratch. One ball, then maybe two. Not twelve.

He was proud of me that I’m on a daily cleaning schedule now, and that I’m not adding 100 new things to my list. I would like to pick something eventually to add — my book, or extra guitar practice, or something. But right now I’m not sure what!!!

Well, off for that cleaning schedule (did half my household tasks today).




not feeling very productive today!

though I DO need to get my butt in gear!

I’ve seen this survey several times and wanted to do it since I have NO surveys in my diary, though it’s probably written for people much younger than me!

:x: piercings = just ears, and didn’t have it done until I was 37. I’m so glad I did! My 9 year old daughter is next 🙂
:x: tattoos = None
:x: height = 5’3″
:x: shoe size = 8
:x: hair color = dark brown
:x: siblings = none

:x: movie you rented = Freaky Friday, for daughter. I liked it too!
:x: movie you watched = Princess Diaries, again with daughter – fell asleep before end. I liked it, though!
:x: song you listened to = I will see Him in the Eastern Sky (don’t know the name, playing now on 95.5 the Fish)
:x: song that was stuck in your head = probably the Hot Potato song by the Wiggles, or some Barney song.

:x: cd you bought = The Christmas Attic by TransSiberian Orchestra
:x: cd you listened to = Jump 5 with my daughter.
:x: person you’ve called = Lynn

:x: person that’s called you = Roger my hubby.
:x: tv show you’ve watched = The Barney Movie with toddler son.

:x: you have a crush on someone = My lovely Keanu Reeves/Ashton Kutcher, etc. lookalike Hubby!!!!
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = Gastonia, North Carolina —> between Charlotte and the mountains and Asheville!
:x: you think about suicide = NO
:x: others find you attractive = Hopefully DH — especially once I lose another 55 pounds!
:x: you want more piercings = None, unless I decide to get two more holes in my ears right behind the first ones.
:x: you drink = No
:x: you do drugs = no
:x: you smoke = no
:x: you like cleaning = I like to but with my ADD I have a lot of distractions from it!

:x: you like roller coasters = sometimes
:x: you write in cursive or print = I print-write — mix them up.

:x: long distance relationships = Never did it, but okay, I guess.
:x: using someone = Against.
:x: suicide = Against.
:x: killing people = Against.
:x: teenage smoking = Against
:x: doing drugs = Against
:x: driving drunk = Against
:x: soap operas = No time, UNLESS the O.C. is considered a soap opera, in which case FOR!

:x: food = Many many many, but the barbecued ribs I had yesterday are a close to the top…. chocolate, pizza, roast and potatoes, Coke!
:x: song = He Reigns by the Newsboys is at the top of that list, but many many many.
:x: thing to do = read/sing/play guitar/build web pages/be with family.
:x: thing to talk about = plans for the future, hopes for our family and children, new house we want, moving.
:x: sports = Cleveland teams that are SO frustrating!!!
:x: drinks = Coca Cola Classic, Vanilla Coke, Cherry Coke
:x: clothes = loose baggy clothes that are not in style!

:x: movies = 80’s Molly Ringwald movies, Dirty Dancing, Finding Nemo, MORE!
:x: singer = don’t know?? Amy Grant, Bono, Singer from Third Day, oh, many many more. Shania Twain, Clay Aiken, Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Stoddard 🙂
:x: holiday = Christmas
:x: ever cried over a girl = Not in a sexual way if that’s what you mean, but I had arguments with three different people at different times in junior high, best girlfriends, and I cried.
:x: ever cried over a boy = OH, yes.
:x: ever lied to someone = I used to but I try VERY hard to never lie any more – I’ve pretty much kept that up to the best of my ability since 1984.
:x: ever been in a fist fight = Nope.

:x: shampoo do you use = Pantene or the Avon equivalent.

:x: shoes do you wear = Tennis shoes or my new clogs (that already cracked on the bottom 🙁 )
:x: are you scared of = Dogs that are loose, bees right by me, lightning.

:x: of times I have been in love? = 3x, I think.

:x: of times I have had my heart broken? = Little ones several times perhaps but one major one, and one other person’s whose heart I broke was almost as hard!

:x: of hearts I have broken? = One, that I know of.
:x: of girls I have kissed? = Nope.
:x: of drugs taken illegally? = None
:x: of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = Maybe 10? Some go back to 1976!
:x: of people I consider my enemies? = None that I know of.
:x: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = Hm mmmmm, maybe my engagement and wedding and baby announcements, so, maybe 7-8 with those 4 appearing in 1-2-3 papers? Not sure!
:x: of scars on my body? = Hmmm. Maybe 1-2 – cut myself on an aluminum foil box at work about 20 years ago and last I checked it was still there..

:x: of things in my past that I regret? = Not many — PERHAPS should have married later (but same guy 🙂 ) and had our first kid later, but not really a mistake, just too soon perhaps. You can wait too LONG too, so who knows?

:x: disney movie = Finding Nemo.
:x: word = I don’t know!!! Actually those three words (I don’t know) are favorites of mine, if that counts!

:x: nickname = many of my friends call me = dori IS my nickname.
:x: guy name = Christopher and Ryan are my son’s names, which obviously are my favorites. But Craig would have probably been a third boy if we’d have had 3 boys.
:x: girl name = And Colleen is my daughter’s name, so that’s number one, but number 2 & 3 girls if we’d have gone that way would have possibly been Kailyn May or Kailyn Mary; and maybe Danielle.
:x: eye color = Brown.

:x: flower = Daffodil
:x: piercing = Just ears
:x: actor = Keanu Reeves, Nicholas Cage, probably more. OH, Tom Cruise.
:x: actress = Neve Campbell, Demi Moore, probably more, can’t think.
:x: pretty = I guess, but think more that I’m overweight.

:x: funny = occasionally
:x: hot = Not anymore, but hoping to get there again.
:x: friendly = Yes.
:x: amusing = I don’ t know.
:x: ugly = NO, but the overweight thing does bother me. I feel my hair is under control now (have frizzy curly hair).

:x: loveable = I hope so.
:x: caring = Definitely.
:x: sweet = Yes.

:x: dorky = Absolutely.

Boy this was long, but fun!!!!!!!



Forgot to post

that I was diagnosed with ADD on Saturday. My testing is not all completely done, but I’ve seen the psychologist 4 times, and he said last weekend that he thinks he knows enough about me and with the testing we’ve done that I have it. I thought I did. It’s amazing how it passes in generations, and years ago no one even knew what it was (unless it was a little boy, hyper as you could imagine, having trouble in school). I was a very good student, I’m pretty smart (not to brag), and I’m really creative, and not at all hyper. I actually concentrate very very well. But as I’ve read about it, I’ve learned I have ADD and not ADHD, and that I hyperfocus, concentrate so hard on things that I block everything else out. Over the years I have had great trouble balancing all my duties, and deciding what to do first, to balance my life. I am not working now, and don’t think, as a parent of three (two special needs) that I will be able to balance a work life and home life and do either one well. So this diagnosis just reinforces that.

I will write more later — gotta go.



sleep, travel

Gotta try and stay awake…

My oldest is still awake – yeah, it’s only 10 but he seems REALLY REALLY awake like the nights he stays up all night… sigh.

DH is in bed – he has to get up at 4 to go to work tomorrow. I have been getting some REALLY nice sleep lately so it is my turn to stay up with Chris. Chris has been sleeping well lately, but last week he did not. He use to stay up ALL the time all night. We were counting our blessings. Not sure why he’s staying up again ?!

I saw this map on a friend’s journal and made one myself! Fun!

Continue reading “Gotta try and stay awake…”

autism, Uncategorized


My daughter went to a new neurologist today – he thinks she may have Asperger’s as well as ADHD. This does not make me happy but of course we want her treated for whatever she may have. Someday later when I have more time I’ll have to explain her history. But she is a beautiful, sweet, intelligent girl, 4th grade, and she has had attention/focusing problems. She has some very high interests like in animals, etc., but the teacher in her letter to the neuro described how she thought it may be a fixation for Colleen, so thus the looking at Asperger’s. I know, having an autistic child, a bit about Asperger’s, so I can see some of the areas where it may fit her. But I need to learn a whole lot about it. I am also very curious to know what to do about it, if she does have it. She will be still the same sweet Colleen, of course, whether she has it or not.

I wonder if my third baby will be diagnosis free……

Colleen got a beautiful hair cut today – it was down to mid-back and now it’s shoulder length and very bouncy with layers to the front 🙂