Living & Loving, Autism & Deafness

Changes

Reminds me of this song, even though mine has nothing to do with a heartbreak – well not the same kind.

My boy is moving!!  Chris is moving to a group home on SATURDAY.  It is an awesome place.  I think he’s really going to be happy there.  It is so close to his school, and they’ll be taking him on a field trip every other day or so after school. 

And I’m looking for a job.  We are stopping home-schooling Colleen – we got her through end of eighth grade with it, but now she’s got to make a clean break and try again with 9th grade in public school.  I’m trying to get a legal secretary job.  I’m still transcribing, and I love it, but it’s just not steady enough.  WE are SO behind on our bills, and want to get out of debt.  I’ve signed with a temp agency and will wait for the right job to come about.  I’m not going to just grab anything as I do have a nice little income from my transcribing where I can be a little picky. 

Then when I get a full-time job (hopefully soon!) I can catch up on the credit cards again.

It’s just funny, what a full circle since I started my blog here at LJ in 2003.  I was still working full time and lost my job a little later after that.  Was then just home, then went back to typing at home, then home again, then typing at home again, and now looking for work again.  5 1/2 years later.

Back then the kids were 1, 8, and 12.  Unbelievable.

Funny how we called them Owen, Renee & RJ.  Eventually I just started using their real names. 

I didn’t realize how hard it was to find archives with this theme background.  I finally had to go in my WordPress blog to get it as a lot o the entries are copied there.  But I may have to get a different background as God help anyone who wanted to go to the beginning of my Livejournal – there’s just no link to do it!!

5 1/2 years ago:

April of 03: 

1691

Uncategorized, health, sleep, workNo Comments »

owen is having a bit of a tough time again after doing very well for a week or so. He went to day care with his sister first time last week on Thurs and Fri. This is the first EVER he’s been in day care. he did well! This week he goes back to school (tomorrow) but last night he started staying up late again — 4:30 a.m. this morning (dh stayed up with him – I actually got to sleep 9 hours last night PRAISE God! it is 12:00 now and he’s still up. dh has to get up at 4:30 a.m. and I will be up at 6:30 with my little baby, I’m sure.

I had been thinking all weekend trying to make a decision about my work. I work 22 hours a week now but have the opportunity to work up to 30 if I wish. That would mean having the older kids go to the day care every day after school. After thinking about it all weekend we decided to wait until summer and see how they do, and maybe work a little later then if they seem to be able to handle it.

We just have been so broke for so long that it feels good to be able to pay the bills and having more sounds so good. We also need a new house — 5 kids in this tiny house is tough.

dori, in the close family :)


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Fall meanderings

The old, summer’s just about over post—-

I love fall.  I am always eager for it to come.  But for some reason I hardly got to enjoy summer this year.  I was working all the time.  Finally took this week off mostly, though I can scarcely (well, I can’t at all) afford it.  But I had tons of paperwork to do and needed some time to do it.  I did test today for a new company and hope I passed.  i’ll start working a lot next week once school starts.

I think our biggest issue right now is this decision to put Chris in residential.  He has become so hard to handle as far as, we can’t let him outside because he might go in the creek (he’s forced his way over there the last few times we took a walk with him) and then it’s limited where we can take him when we go away because of not being able to stop him when he wants something, whether it’s some passer-by’s drink or whatever.

We do take him grocery shopping and stuff and did have a really nice outing like that last weekend.

But an opening came up for a nice group home and we did apply for him.  I am just praying if it’s meant to be it will all work out, and if it’s not supposed to happen that it will be blocked.

It’s hard though as there’s guilt involved and so much emotion.

I’ll update more on all this soon —-

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Almost time for my fall background change!


Ryan, my photographer.

Wow, it’s been a really long time since I updated. I’m not even sure what I wrote about exactly last (and don’t really feel like looking right now)

First, after taking tons of pics like this with my camera phone, Which he really wasn’t supposed to to do but got away with it as much as possible anyway , Ryan lost the battery to my camera phone. This explains why I’ve had no August pictures.

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mind-boggling

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Time: Wednesday, 3/9/2005 8:31:31 PM (#66445)
User: dori

Comments: hello – thanks for prayers and thoughts! After discussing, we decided not to do this at this time, but to really start spending some time researching facilities in this area so that we are more prepared when they call again (which they will – Chris will keep this top spot and when the next opening occurs they call us back). We just would feel more comfortable with more researching being done in the placement – 2 days just isn’t long enough to decide. I also am concerned with what I’m reading about Governor Taft cutting funding to ICFMR facilities (which is what this was) and want to learn more about how the private facilities are funded. I wanted to post a site about it, but the screen froze loading the pdf, so I’ll be back with it….

dori, very sick (ugh) and not quite up to all this today…. please continue to pray for us!

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astounding phone call!

User: dori

Comments: I just got a phone call that our local county MRDD Center has an opening for Chris to live there. They really want to know in 2 days so they can offer it to someone else if we don’t want it!

I’m overwhelmed. I can’t get ahold of Rog to tell him.

Geez! I don’t know what to do. Pray for us!

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poem

Comments: a poem about Chris, it’s been a while.

Felt good to write something. I think I got a lot out this way.

to say goodbye to you would be so sad
the child of my youth
all my life I dreamt of your arrival
it made my heart so glad

we waited years for you
you were born and we clung to you so tight
checked you in the night, looking for your breath
we were so careful to do everything just right

our firstborn son, you began to slip away
we didn’t notice at first, just thought you were shy
or quiet or the deep intelligent type
when you ceased your speech at 2 I thought I’d die.

to see you hurt yourself, the precious skin and self
that formed inside of me, then was born
is catastrophic and deadening, the greatest tragedy
of our lives, the event we always mourn

more than autism itself, the pain, the violence
that you would be in such pain,
the sound of fear is perhaps worse than just the silence
that we would hear if you were just happy but quiet, playing in the rain

like you used to do out in the pool, when you were five
the rain beat down but you were happy with your symphony
of bubbles that rose above you like a crown.
you always loved the pool, the bath, the river, more than any pony

that any other boy would like
we were sad at your difference at times but loved to watch you smile
and now to hear your laugh instead of your cry
would answer our prayers, at least for a while.

The whole family needs to be kept safe and strong
whatever it takes to help you all grow
and to also keep the girl and little boy growing up in health
I pray an answer comes soon, that we will know.

It wouldn’t really be goodbye, if it comes to a new home
it would be a place that could help you thrive
in your own way, in your own time
if that is the decision that is to arrive.

We would still see you often and love you so much
though of course we hope the answer is that you stay
whatever happens I know that the Lord is with us
And will give us strength to face each day.

@dh 7/5/04

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another old copied post…. things are not good :(

User: dori

Comments: feel like the straw that broke the camel’s back just happened – my aide just called and asked if I thought Chris would hit her today how do i know… – I said I didn’t know, he’s mostly hitting himself, but that he had hit me some especially on Saturday. She said she’s not coming today and that she’s going to call her office and explain how much he’s hitting her (he did hit her a lot on Thursday – she had a sore arm from it) and whether they still want her to come back – what do you think will happen?

I told Rog if I don’t have an aide I think we will have to have him go live somewhere else. We may do it this week. I’m so depressed. I can’t do this with no help. My mom did help me yesterday but he was hitting her and pushing her and she’s only 5’4″ and about 105 pounds so she can’t take too much -she’s also 61. My MIL isn’t even coming around to watch him anymore really – she’s pretty sick right now.

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a little update finally —

speak and spell
You’re a Speak & Spell!! You nerd, you. Just
because you were disguised as a toy doesn't
mean you weren’t educational, you sneaky
bastard.

What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

it is a lazy Sunday and I have SO much cleaning to do.

Last I wrote Chris was having a VERY VERY VERY bad time. We had an awful 4 months – February – sinus infections, ear infections with ear injury from hitting; March, 2 ear surgeries, missed most of the whole month off of school, plus drug reaction to Seroquel/Risperdol and withdrawal; April, entire month, I believe, from school, just about (he may have gone a week or so), had 1-2 more sinus infections; May, Tonsillectomy/Adenoidectomy, and finally had to start more meds as he was still being aggressive, self-injurious, and very very upset and not sleeping at all hardly (like 3-4 hours every few days is all); and June started horribly as well but FINALLY last 3-4 days his new meds (Tenex) is kicking in and he’s sleeping a little more and is seeming happier. FINALLY.

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