Believe I’m about to lose my job.

It’s December 21, 4 days before Christmas. A few months ago I was kind of worried about my job as I wasn’t sure I was catching on to all the new things I was learning there, fast enough. Well I made a great effort, and things seemed to be working great. Then the past 3 weeks I ended up losing a lot of time unexpectedly due to extra sick kids + a snow day that made my one child care close. Friday my office manager told me all this was unacceptable and I’d better be making alternate work arrangements.

I have such mixed emotions about all this — I feel proud of myself that I pulled myself together with all our home confusion and WAS able to make a full time job work out for 5 months. I feel happy that we had a very stable monetary situation for 5 months. I had been hopeful that with my working full time my DH could have lots of time then to look for his regular full time job with benefits – but it didn’t work out that way; he was so busy watching kids when they were sick, picking them up, using his days off to clean house and grocery shop, etc., that he didn’t get to look for a job at all. So now I’m thinking I’ll be better able to help him find a job if I’m home. He can then work all he can at his part time job (he’s TURNED DOWN lots of work there due to our sick kids, etc.), and I can focus on doing his resume, job letters, etc., and searching net and newspapers for his job leads.

Financially it’s scary; however, we’ve been BOTH jobless before, even at the same time, and made it through. And I have home business options still available to me that I participated in in the past, doing transcription.

So I’m sad I didn’t make this company happy, and that they’re angry and disappointed in me for missing so much time, but also am relieved in a way to be out of the rat race. It will be a relief (and a joy too!) to be back home with my kids again.

I loved my work, I will miss that some. I loved the organization of it, the way I could get it done without a lot of interruptions, and the challenge of it. I will miss some of the people. Some of the people I WON’T MISS. I won’t miss the rat race, I won’t miss the drive, or the traffic! I won’t miss the winter driving in the snow. I WON’T MISS MY OFFICE MANAGER TELLING ME I’M JUST MAKING EXCUSES when I have a sick kid or am late due to a car accident on the freeway. I won’t miss being paranoid every day that I’m going to be fired.

So, if I’m fired this week, it’s okay. If I’m not, I may even quit… I don’t know. Then again I may just keep working until I get fired.


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