tired of things….

I know it’s all part of being a mom…. at home.

But for some reason I just had this urge just now to find a job! I know I CAN’T! But I was perusing the legal secretary ads for some reason. I couldn’t stop. I worked for SO long at so many different things and I loved it. over 1 year as a word processor in 87. 6 years from 88-94 and another 7 months in 2003 at a legal secretary job that I loved. And another 4-5 part time legal secretary jobs that were okay, just okay, through the years. Then one full time legal secretary job in 03 that I hated in many ways but loved the work. I really did have enough of working. When i was done for good in Dec. of 03 I was OVERJOYED! Excited to be a stay at home mom, to be DONE with the ratrace. Ready to have my picture perfect house, work out many hours at the Y, volunteer, spent lots of quality time with my kids doing orderly crafts, teaching them perfect manners, and cooking lots of from scratch meals and having a garden. Oh, AND IMMEDIATELY starting my music therapy program at college.


Not to leave anything out, from 94-02 I also worked AT HOME – a lot. Typing at home for some attorneys. Typing at home for the word processing job I worked at in 87. Working at home for corporate transcription firms out of state. And finally (I LOVED THIS) legal transcripts for a court reporter. I just got ANOTHER offer to do this this summer doing criminal transcripts. I love doing those…. I wanted to say yes badly. But I said no. Because I know I can’t handle it.

I LOVE BEING HOME. But I need a break. I think school starting for my kids in 5 or 6 weeks will be good for me. I just need a break.

But I loved a lot about working – the finishing something feeling, the time alone, the breaks, the lunch hours, the MONEY! I liked dressing up. And the break wasn’t that bad.

But I also hated a lot of it – the driving, the rushing, the panicking if I wasn’t perfect, the fear over losing my job over my kids’ illnesses (which I did, twice), and missing my kids. And working at home isn’t perfect either — you do get more flexibility but you have to STILL DO YOUR WORK – all night if need be. I remember falling asleep at my desk many nights trying to do all nighters and still get up at 6 to get kids off to school.

So, I know I am blessed, I’m home, I don’t have to do this anymore. My husband is making good money, and we’re getting SSI fo the kids’ disabilities (which I didn’t certainly wish for but the money does help us). We are making enough now to look for a bigger house. Still don’t have any insurance for us, but what can you do? Thank God the kids have it.

Well, just had to vent a little, though I think this is disjointed and doesn’t make much sense! I’ll write more later– dishes, cooking dinner, piles of papers I sorted, bills, laundry, and a little boy sitting in the stroller and an older son hungry for dinner await! (Colleen is having fun with grandma today!)….. I don’t usually just park Ryan in the stroller but he was really driving me nuts – he threw something and hit me in the head — OUCH – I had to put ice on it.

dori — wanting to change background soon as I always do.

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st patty

I love St. Patrick’s day — it has a lot of meaning for me because 11 years ago we were stuck paying for 2 households, and on St. Patrick’s day 94 our trailer sold that day for cash and we got out of the hole right before my precious Colleen was born. (not fun, paying a trailer payment, lot rent,and a mortgage on another house!!!).

So we have a big bash every year for St. Patrick’s day – corned beef, cabbage, etc., and this year I’m making green jello jigglers and green cake —

party on, and no alcohol even involved 🙂

We are feeling MUCH BETTER, and I’ve never been so grateful for good health! One week ago my temp was climbing and I was sick on the couch. Ugh. Now my MIL has it – I feel so bad. We went to the birthday party Sunday she had, thinking we weren’t contagious anymore — not even knowing we’d had influenza. She just said, none of us knew, don’t worry about it, and it’s going around everywhere. I just feel so bad for her….


look for surveys soon — I’ve borrowed 3 now that I need to fill out S – O – O – N

love, d

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Thoughts on Summer 04

TEN Things You Did
01. Obtained necessary psych. hospitalization for our son through God’s help.
02. Finally slept second half of the summer after being up all night most night’s first half of the summer while Chris’s; meds were so off.
03. Went to Port Clinton/Put-in-Bay on vacation for first time ever!
04. Camped in a cabin for first time ever.
05. Stayed up all night in cabin first night with son who wouldn’t sleep (strange place!).
06. Attended 2 95.5the fish functions (radio) that were so cool with great bands and fun people!
07. Went 8+ weeks (still going) with NO money except bare minimum due to job stoppages for hubby (Luckily had saved $300 before that for Put-in-Bay).
08. Lost 15 pounds (hubby did too!) on South Beach Diet!
09. Collected unemployment all summer but never found a job even though I diligently looked for good job with benefits.  (Actually been looking since Jan.)
10. Grew tomatoes and peppers for first time in 3-4 years!

NINE Favorite Bands/Singers Of The Summer
01. Third Day
02. Chris Tomlin (U2’s Where the Streets have no Name!)
03. Sarah Groves (cool concert!)
04. Rebecca St. James
05. The Newsboys
06. Selah (You Raise me Up)
07. Amy Grant (has been favorite since 1979!)
08. just to be eclectic, we love hearing that one song by The Darkness when it comes on 😉  http://www.thedarknessrock.com/media/audio/ (I believe in a thing called love, just had to DOWNLOAD IT NOW!) though it’s just a sample ;
09. AND we loved 98 FM’s WNCX’s pretend Woodstock the other week when they played endless old progressive and other rock tunes INCLUDING IN THE CAGE BY GENESIS!  Yeah!

EIGHT Places You Ate At
01. Outback Steak House
02. New York Deli
03. East of Chicago Pizza
04. Walmart
05. KMart
06. Dairy Queen
07. McDonald’s
08. Burger King

SEVEN Inside Jokes
01. None that I know of?

SIX Things You Bought
01. Rented vacation cabin at Port Clinton!
02. Food
03. New earrings (Avon demos)
04. Dirt for our yard (boy it’s looking spiffy!)
05. Microsoft Money 2004


FIVE Things You Accomplished
01. Well, technically after school started, BUT finally got my dailies going again where I straighten whole house every day.
02. The Lord accomplished getting Chris’s meds regulated so he’ll SLEEP…
03. Lost 15 pounds.
04. Cleaned out entire 3 drawer legal size filing cabinet.


FOUR Movies You Saw
01. Just Married
02. Freaky Friday
03. Cheaper by the Dozen
04. The Lion King (again for Ryan, first saw in 94 with Baby Colleen)

THREE Things You Wish You Did
01. Got on an exercise program (but I AM walking 2 miles a day taking Colleen to/from school)
02. Been able to buy or win tickets to Third Day concert.
03. Read Bible every day (I need to START a devotional quiet time!)

TWO Rules You Broke
01. Cheated on my diet whole vacation time and like a week before and 3 weeks after!

ONE Thing You LOVED About This Summer
01. sleeping WELL the second half of the summer and seeing Chris so much more healthy in the meantime.

That was a fun survey.  This summer was not bad.  The beginning and middle were horrible but the greatness of the end really made up for it!!  It was wonderful to go on a vacation with our friends to an area we’d never been to before.  We are lucky here in NE Ohio to have the lakes and rivers all around us – I know we take it for granted.  Here Mosquito Lake, Mecca, Ohio
is a picture of another State Park area where we went picnicking Labor day.  Far away you can see Chris splashing and Colleen playing.  Many times I do want to live in North Carolina near the mountains, but we are blessed here with a nice place to live as well.  We are blessed.

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