Woke up early this morning and was reading an older journal – and found these older posts from November 1994 and January 1995.
November 19, 1994
Tomorrow is Christopher’s birthday. 4 years old! He’s got a double ear infection but is now getting better. He’s been sleeping in the daytime and stays up until 12 or 1 a.m. or gets up at 6:30! I have laryngitis and can’t speak at all! Hopefully we’ll feel better by Thanksgiving – in five days. That’s when we’re celebrating Chris’s birthday.
Dr. X wants to have Chris evaluated for autism. Hopefully it will be ruled out. He’s really a sweet little boy. We’re praying for him daily. I know God can perform a miracle.
November 20, 1994
It really hurts sometimes when we worry that something if really wrong, that our son can’t speak. Also that he’s often seeming not to understand us, although when it’s something he really wants to do he understands perfectly (bath). I’m worried we’re focusing on things that may just be nervous habits – grimacing, playing with his fingers (itzy bitsy spider?), looking at bowls and pop bottles.
He snuggles, smiles, figures things out (like loading dishwasher), being affectionate to baby Colleen. We do have the promise that God will not give us more than we can bear.1 It seems we’ve had enough trials this past 18 months to last a lifetime. But there have been blessings among the trials.
February 6, 1995
I’m so happy being home with my children. These years will go too fast. Chris is 4 1/4, almost. He’s stretched out so tall and now seems to be getting a little chubby to make up for it. his sandy brown hair forms bangs to his light eyebrows, and in straight thickness just reaches his collar. his chocolate brown eyes are framed with long eyelashes. He snuggles with us a lot. Especially while I’m nursing Colleen, Chris climbs up on my lap, on the other side of Colleen, and cuddles up to my shoulder. At these times I thank the Lord for this time.
Christopher is mildly autistic. He was tested January 24, and the doctor confirmed our suspicions. We have to do everything we can to teach him all he can learn. Autistic children can function very well with excellent training. We, of course, wish that he wasn’t autistic, that he did talk normally, that he wouldn’t make some inappropriate gestures and sounds. But he’s our wonderful little boy who laughs, snuggles, roughhouses, plays his electric organ wonderfully, reads books (not reads, but looks at), sings Happy Birthday (“ha-tee-dada”). He’s come up to sit by me right now with his Bible. I read him bits of the stories in there, but he mostly likes to look at the pictures quickly. I want him to know about God and the story of Jesus. I sing Jesus Loves Me to him.
I know God will be revealed to him even though he can’t talk about it. If God doesn’t heal him of this condition in this life he will be healed in heaven. I can’t wait to hear what he’ll tell us. What he thought of things, saw things what he loved to do, look at, think about things. That he loves us. But we know he does through his snuggles. I never forget right after I had Colleen when he crawled up next to me, on my hospital bed with Colleen, and said “I love you.” I think he meant it, too.
Wow, what else to say? A blessed Thanksgiving to all. I still have to remember to be grateful for every blessing, over 16 years later.
1 A footnote. I was most struck reading this again about the part that God will not give us more than we can bear. I just looked up online to find the Bible verse, and couldn’t find it, but instead found several posts about the verse not being in the Bible, but instead that there is a verse saying God will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13). This surprised me and I kept looking up sources. This site is a good one, and I will post it below. http://recklessgrace.blogspot.com/2007/12/god-never-gives-us-more-than-we-can.html
A quote from it: “3) God’s response to our heartache is to climb into it with us. God knows we can’t handle the tough stuff of life alone. So he walked through the worst life has to offer, taking it all on the cross, so that we would not have to face it alone. And so that we would know that ultimately the tough stuff of life will not have the final word but God will, and that word will be good.”