I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. Ps. 37:25

tired of things….   3 comments

I know it’s all part of being a mom…. at home.

But for some reason I just had this urge just now to find a job! I know I CAN’T! But I was perusing the legal secretary ads for some reason. I couldn’t stop. I worked for SO long at so many different things and I loved it. over 1 year as a word processor in 87. 6 years from 88-94 and another 7 months in 2003 at a legal secretary job that I loved. And another 4-5 part time legal secretary jobs that were okay, just okay, through the years. Then one full time legal secretary job in 03 that I hated in many ways but loved the work. I really did have enough of working. When i was done for good in Dec. of 03 I was OVERJOYED! Excited to be a stay at home mom, to be DONE with the ratrace. Ready to have my picture perfect house, work out many hours at the Y, volunteer, spent lots of quality time with my kids doing orderly crafts, teaching them perfect manners, and cooking lots of from scratch meals and having a garden. Oh, AND IMMEDIATELY starting my music therapy program at college.

HA HA HA HA HA.

Not to leave anything out, from 94-02 I also worked AT HOME – a lot. Typing at home for some attorneys. Typing at home for the word processing job I worked at in 87. Working at home for corporate transcription firms out of state. And finally (I LOVED THIS) legal transcripts for a court reporter. I just got ANOTHER offer to do this this summer doing criminal transcripts. I love doing those…. I wanted to say yes badly. But I said no. Because I know I can’t handle it.

I LOVE BEING HOME. But I need a break. I think school starting for my kids in 5 or 6 weeks will be good for me. I just need a break.

But I loved a lot about working – the finishing something feeling, the time alone, the breaks, the lunch hours, the MONEY! I liked dressing up. And the break wasn’t that bad.

But I also hated a lot of it – the driving, the rushing, the panicking if I wasn’t perfect, the fear over losing my job over my kids’ illnesses (which I did, twice), and missing my kids. And working at home isn’t perfect either — you do get more flexibility but you have to STILL DO YOUR WORK – all night if need be. I remember falling asleep at my desk many nights trying to do all nighters and still get up at 6 to get kids off to school.

So, I know I am blessed, I’m home, I don’t have to do this anymore. My husband is making good money, and we’re getting SSI fo the kids’ disabilities (which I didn’t certainly wish for but the money does help us). We are making enough now to look for a bigger house. Still don’t have any insurance for us, but what can you do? Thank God the kids have it.

Well, just had to vent a little, though I think this is disjointed and doesn’t make much sense! I’ll write more later– dishes, cooking dinner, piles of papers I sorted, bills, laundry, and a little boy sitting in the stroller and an older son hungry for dinner await! (Colleen is having fun with grandma today!)….. I don’t usually just park Ryan in the stroller but he was really driving me nuts – he threw something and hit me in the head — OUCH – I had to put ice on it.

dori — wanting to change background soon as I always do.

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Posted July 8, 2005 by criscollrj in life, reflections, work, work at home

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3 responses to tired of things….

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  1. awww, hope you feel a lil less crazed soon!
    🙂

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