I just wish I had time to write out all the things that go through my head. I just go and go and really never have a down time. If I do take a down time, something else suffers, like my sleep time, or my pile of dishes, or my daughter’s homework.
I’m not depressed, but I’m unfocused and also eating compulsively, and I’m sure it’s from the stress. The kids are exhausting me. They’re wonderful – I LOVE THEM! And I’m happy I’m a mom – I always wanted to be one. BUt I thought being home I’d have ALL THIS TIME and could do all I wanted to do with them and the house, and have me time too….
As usual I have to go…
I think the hardest though is Chris is having these fits again where he marches through the houses screaming and starts at the height of it grabbing my arms or hitting me, making scratches as he does it. He’s hitting the aide too and I’m afraid she’s going to quit — I need her!!! She’s helping us 14 hours a week but it’s just through Medicaid – I know it’s not the highest paying job in the world for her!
I’m worried about Ryan some as he’s SO hyper, and when he jumps on us in the morning (4:45, this morning) he seems to have no regard as to where his head goes on the bed and I’m scared he’s going to bash his head in! He has spells where he’s this hyper. He crashed his head into the side of his crib a few weeks ago and got a split, bleeding lip. We almost put him in the ER! I need to set up a bed for him instead as he’s learned also how to put his leg over the side.
I’m thinking of trying again to put everyone (we all have ADD, I think – 3 of us are diagnosed) on a sugar-free diet again (with the help of Splenda and Diet rite pop!) to see if we can calm this behavior down.